In the shoe box
by Jessymessy101
Summary: Who knew spring cleaning could stir up so many bad memories. Sam finds something whilst cleaning out the impala...who knew a shoe box could mean so much to somebody.


**Okay hello fanfiction world I haven't uploaded any stories in like forever a good year in fact and there are many reasons but I don't want to bother you with my excuses...just gonna say I'm very sorry and here is a little something to show my apology...over the past year I have re-watched all the supernatural seasons and really gotten into it again after I stopped watching for a while anyway I love the innocence of Castiel and he became my favourite character (after fabulous dean of course) anyway this came to me after watching the season where castiel goes a little crazy *spoilers* anyone who hasn't seen that :D the story itself is a little out of sync cause I mentioned bobby's death but the idea sprang from an episode way before his exit from the show but I think it still works its not a huge detail in this story...anyway I hope you enjoy it and again I am very sorry for not posting anything for a while I am currently fine tuning an idea for another CSI story a longer one about Nick and Greg it will be AU and my very first AU at that so I want to get it right before I share it with you all...well that's everything for now read on and enjoy as always let me know what you think drop me a review :) **

"In the shoe box"

"Sometimes you will never know the value of something,until it becomes a memory."   
― Dr. Seuss

"Do you know how long its been since we cleaned out the back of this car?" Sam mumbled from the back of the impala, he was bent over rummaging around under the leather seats picking out fast food cups and burger wrappers.  
"Yeah, I know Sam but if you haven't noticed we have had better things to do than spring clean…besides it gives her charm"  
"Charm, Dean some of this stuff is months old its mouldy" Sam came up from the chair and sat back in the seat, he was now holding a shoe box in his hand. "Dean what's this?" Sam held it up to show Dean, who was sitting in the drivers seat cleaning out rubbish himself, he spun round and his eyes instantly fell on the cardboard box.  
"Where did you find that?" Dean snapped, he didn't mean to it just sort of slipped out.  
"It was tucked under the back of the seat…Dean what is this?" Sam lifted the lid but before he had a chance to pick anything out of it, or get a good look Dean was snatching it from him, "Dude what the hell, didn't dad ever teach you not to snatch".  
"Sam, seriously its nothing, just leave it"  
"No Dean I won't not till you tell me what's in that box?" Sam was getting worried now, Dean was keeping secrets that was never a good sign.  
"Its nothing Sammy"  
"Well it doesn't seem like nothing, the way you snatched it away from me like that".  
"Sammy drop it!" Dean grabbed the box from his lap and jumped out the impala without another word, leaving Sam sitting alone in the back.

**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

Sam has been thinking about that shoe box all night, so when Dean was out on the beer run he searched the room, turned the room upside down. He found the box under his bed, honestly his brother was so predictable. Sam sat down on the edge of the bed and opened the box what he found inside was not what he expected, the box was filled with newspaper cuttings all from past cases, people who they couldn't save everyone that had died because they couldn't get to them in time. Why had Dean kept all these was he torturing himself or was it motivation, Sam continued sifting his way through the box until something caught his eye. It wasn't a newspaper clipping it was something wrapped up in a thick piece of fabric.

**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

Dean came barging back into the motel room clearly upset about something, he slammed the beer down on the table smashing one of the bottles in the process, then paced up and down the short room mumbling something to himself.  
"Some people, I was this close Sammy I swear I was going to shoot his smug face right there and then if it were not for the other people in the….Sam what have you got there?" Dean stopped pacing and finally looked at Sam who was sitting with the shoebox on his lap.  
"I found it while you were out"  
"Yeah I can see that Sam I told you to leave it alone… that it didn't concern you"  
"Oh yeah I got that, Dean why did you keep all this stuff"  
"Its not like I seek it out Sam I just tuck them away in that box its nothing"  
"Then how do you explain this!" Sam stood up putting the box down and held up the piece of fabric. He had opened it and was now showing Dean the contents, a Polaroid picture of Dean and Castiel stood in front of Bobby's place, and Deans old amulet the one he gave to him all those years ago in that crappy motel room one Christmas day. "What is all this Dean? I mean the newspaper clippings I get but this…its as if"  
"As if what Sammy, I'm holding on…yeah I guess I am and before you say anything I don't see the harm in that, people normal people, do it all the time when someone they lo…someone they care about…" Dean sighed and looked at his feet anything to avoid getting the sympathy look from Sam again; he hated it when he did that, he never knew how to respond.  
"Dean I know what happened to Cas was tough on you believe me but you cant hold onto this stuff, not in this job it will eat away at you if you let it"  
"Not this time Sam, not with him…I cant let go"  
"I know how you feel Dean believe me, I do but we have lost people in this job before, Ellen, Jo, Bobby…Dad…and yeah we grieve in the best way we can and we wont ever forget what they all did for us but you cant let it hang over you it will eventually kill you".  
"Not this time Sammy…No I wont do it!"  
"Look Castiel was my friend too but I got over it I had to you need to do the same thing!"  
"No! I won't Sam…he wasn't just my friend…he was…." He sighed again and ran his hands through his hair.  
"I knew it" Sam simply said and this made Dean whip round and give him the death glare.  
"knew what?"  
"You and Cas, I figured there was something going on between you two but I always thought I was imagining things"  
"Me and Cas…you knew!"  
"Well it was just an educated guess but I guess I was right"  
"You know jack shit about it okay…now you give me that and stay outta my stuff" Dean walked over and snatched the fabric from Sam's hand storming off and slamming the front door behind him.

**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

Sam could see Dean sitting in the back seat of the impala in the parking lot, he had been there for the past hour he had put the box back under the seat straight away first thing he did now he was just sitting there swigging his beer every so often staring out the front window.

**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

"damn it…I guess one more prayer wont hurt anyone, but you know how I feel about it…I'm sorry man I'm sorry for everything I'm sorry I pushed you away…that I was the reason you had to go to Crowley if it wasn't for me….ah hell who am I kidding I am just some idiot sitting in the back seat of my car in the parking lot of some shitting motel in who knows where talking to a picture…"  
Dean just sighed and looked down at the picture in his hand, he could remember the day it was taken clearer than any other memory. It was the only picture he had of Cas and it was a good day, Dean, Cas, Sam and Bobby they had spent the day trying to teach Cas a little bit about being human, although for Dean it was a good chance to teach Cas about films just so he would understand his references in future. When Sam and Bobby were sitting out back Dean had snatched the Polaroid camera from its stand and taken Cas out front of the house this lesson was about the brilliant of pictures Cas never did quite understand why humans took photos.

"_its so we can remember things Cas"  
"I thought that's what memories were for?"  
"well yeah they are but sometimes you forget stuff and well a photo can help trigger that memory preserve it forever"  
"I guess angels don't have that problem…we remember everything"  
"Yeah I figured as much…look just watch this" Dean held up the camera and pointed it at Cas who just starred at Dean blankly "Come on Cas crack a smile" Cas didn't even flinch just looked at him this time tilting his head in that adorable way when he gets confused.  
"Okay like this" Dean cracked his cheesiest smile the one he uses on Sammy when he wants something. Cas looks at Dean closer as if he is studying him trying to work out how to copy him.  
"Like this?" Cas tries to smile but it ends up looking more like a snarl.  
"Dude your smiling you're not Jack Nicholson"  
"The shining?"  
"See you're learning Cas, and yeah the shining he was a psycho killer_ _though so you probably don't want to use that…try again" Cas does as he is told and tries again but again he fails.  
"Okay remember before I was talking about memories well try this…think of a memory that makes you feel happy something that was good" Dean watches Cas closely he can see he is off somewhere in his own thoughts trying to remember something…anything and then he smiles a real smile it was so natural…beautiful even just how Dean imagined an angel would smile, so Dean took his chance he snapped the picture, the flash of the camera wakes Cas up from his memory and snaps him back to reality.  
"Gotcha…see that wasn't so hard now was it" Dean smiled at Cas a real smile not his cheesy grin, just like the smile he gave Sam way back when he first came back from the dead after Jake stabbed him, well this smile was something like that.  
"No Dean it wasn't hard"  
"What were you thinking about…if you don't mind me asking"  
"I was remembering that conversation we had back when we first met, you where saying how angels are supposed to be caring…"  
"Yeah I remember that conversation…you were very enlightening" Dean looked down at the camera and then sneaked a peak at Cas's reaction.  
"Hey Cas come over here a second will you" Cas did as he was told and moved closer to Dean till he was close enough to smell his natural musk "Okay just look at the camera lens right here for me"  
"Why?"  
"Im going to take another picture..something to remember this moment by" Dean lifted the camera into the air and pointed it towards both himself and Cas."Oh and remember to smile" Dean clicked the trigger and the flash nearly blinded the both of them, but it was worth it for this memory._

Now here he was sitting in the back of the impala with nothing more than a memory and a crappy picture to remember him by.  
"Damn it Cas, you were right" Dean sighed again and wiped away a stray tear falling down his cheek, he couldn't do it anymore the best thing to do was get rid of the stuff burn it bury it anything to…move on.  
"I'm sorry Cas, but I have to move on" Dean lifted the photo and his lighter and waved the naked flame over the corner of the picture, which instantly caught fire and slowly the image burnt away leaving nothing but a corner still alight. Dean blew out the last flame and threw the corner in the shoe box.  
"You shouldn't have done that!" Dean physically jumped in his seat at the voice that now joined him in the car, regaining his composure he noticed someone sitting in the front seat someone he really did not expect to see. "You know someone once told me that those things are a good way of triggering good memories"  
"Cas?!"  
"Hello Dean"


End file.
